tiptoes.

Had this past year gone as had been expected (even though we really know this only happens in movies and Harlequin books) I would have spent this past week at fashion week in NYC working on a documentary for Louis Vuitton/Moet Hennesy that would have aired on PBS sometime in the next year. I also would have been planning a fully funded trip to Sri Lanka, India, and Dubai to develop an innovative communication system among displaced working class women.

But things change.

I chose love over the party, late nights out, and the cool kids. I chose love over my career. Sometimes I feel like I chose love over myself. But I stand by that.

When I first got back to Durham from NYC, I was talking to my mom about something completely unrelated to Shayne having cancer, but the words she said keep running through my mind: “You don’t get to choose what you can or cannot do for the people you love. Whether or not you want to or not, there is no option.”

When Shayne first got sick, he gave me the option. We hadn’t even said “in sickness or in health, til death do us part” yet, but there was clearly only one answer. I was here for good. There was no getting rid of me, my constant nagging to take his temperature, and my need to protect him while he got well.

And while being back in NC has been a struggle at times, it’s made me realize, yet again, how loving and supportive our families (both real and created) are to the both of us. I think I need to stop fighting the waves and just float here for a while because there are worse things in life than spending an afternoon reading in the sun with your sweetheart.